Not Exactly the DIAMOND Anniversary
by Starjargon
Summary: The Doctor and River exchange anniversary gifts. The Doctor misunderstands, much to the chagrin of the Ponds... and the delight of River Song. Strong T for the implications of the gifts and the results of the misunderstanding.


**A/N- Happy Doctor/River Anniversary!**

**Big thank you to the beautiful kehwie for the beta!**

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One thing the Doctor liked more than anything else was dressing up for his wife. Especially for dates. Especially for their anniversary. He smiled as he opened the TARDIS doors with a flourish, new suit proudly donned and hair slicked back as he whisked his River Song off to celebrate the day he'd made her his wife.

He had something special planned for her this time, well, every time was special as far as he was concerned, but he had an extra special gift for her as well. As they watched the sun rise for the very first time on a brand new planet, he pulled out pair of small, velvet boxes. She smiled, her eyes sparkling as she took another sip of her champagne before reaching for them and slowly took the bow off the first one.

Her brow furrowed ever so slightly, and she looked up questioningly at him while his sly grin refused to tell her anything. She gave him one more wary smile before reaching out for the other box, opening it even more tentatively than she had the first. Suddenly, her entire face seemed to light up as she looked between the box and the Doctor, her hand reverently touching the contents.

"I assume that one is yours, then?" she clarified, still in awe as she gestured to the first box.

"Mm-hm," the Doctor confirmed, taking the box from her hand and removing the delicate, elaborate ring within. He continued holding her hand even as he slipped the ring on her finger, lightly kissing her knuckles before presenting her with the other box. She took a moment to admire her new jewellery before reaching out and plucking the other box from him, gently placing the dark ring on his finger in return. Then, still holding his hand, she leant forward and kissed him, gratefully and lovingly and just long enough they both were slightly out of breath when they pulled apart.

"Much as I absolutely love my gift, it may be a tad impractical to wear these all the time. Spoilers and all," she sighed out in a slightly resigned tone, the fingers of her ring hand now interlacing and fiddling with the fingers of his, her head on his chest as she admired the sight.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, staring down at their interlocked hands. "Yes, but we'll always have them, which is the important thing. Besides, there won't always be spoilers. We'll still get to wear them sometimes when we're together, and always when we're apart."

She turned her head up to look into his eyes, meeting him smile for smile before leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his jaw, watching as the sun finished rising.

"Sweetie," she said to the content and quiet Time Lord.

"Yes dear?" he responded with a lazy smile.

"I got something special for you, too." Suddenly her tone grew sultry, and a familiar smirk made its way across her face. She pulled away from him to get her bag, pulling out a gift bag and presenting it to him with a very devious grin.

Unlike she had, the Doctor pounced on the gift, pulling the paper out rapidly as he began guessing what it could be.

"A new bowtie? Oh, is it that hat we saw on Haberdash? The one with the extra wide brim," he clarified, as she just shook her head fondly.

"No, Sweetie. This is something we'll _both_ enjoy. Definitely _not_ a new hat," she responded in a dry tone.

When he finally got to the gift, he pulled it out and squeaked, one hand immediately going over his eyes. Two of his fingers separated slightly, making sure he'd seen what he thought he'd seen before he glanced over at his wife, who had one eyebrow raised. He blushed as he lowered his hand.

"And you're sure this is for me, River? I mean- I'm not sure-" he began, before he watched just the tiniest bit of light leave her eyes.

"I... thought we were there, that we were both at the point where you'd appreciate a gift like this-" she started, before taking a deep breath and nearly pasting on that heartsbreaking 'you're not old enough for this yet' melancholy smile. He was sure he didn't deserve that smile this time and he refused to allow it to take root on her beautiful countenance.

"No, no, I do- I love it," he hastened to explain, hugging it to him tightly as he bopped her on the nose, pulling her close and nuzzling away her wary expression.

"Are you sure? Because you don't have to pretend-"

"Best anniversary present yet," he reassured her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips, then, when she opened her mouth to continue arguing, he pressed kisses to her nose, then her cheek, to her jaw line, then worked his way down her neck and shoulder, ending once more on her lips and distracting her from any disagreement she may have been about to make.

When they had gotten sufficiently preoccupied with each other to have blocked out anything else, they suddenly saw a strange, tall, regal woman walk past them. Then they saw a man wearing a very wrinkled suit, and finally two children who ran after the woman and man, before stopping and walking off with a very imperious lion. Creatures surrounded the man and the sounds they made were almost discernible as...words.

"Are we- what is going on, Doctor?" River asked, hand still clutching the Doctor's lapels, though not nearly as tightly as a few moments before.

"It would seem the animals on this planet can speak," he began as they watched the group of animals begin curiously prodding the man. "But they don't seem to know what to do with humanoids-" the Doctor continued, as he and River stood up and rushed toward the man who was currently... being... planted... and... watered by an elephant? They hurried off to meddle, explain, and explore, staying until things were sorted out.

Eventually River and the Doctor bid one another goodbye with one last long kiss, River accompanying the children and man home, the Doctor ensuring the tall woman was well-separated from the beautiful and naive young animals. As he made his way back to the TARDIS, he spotted River's gift on the ground, momentarily forgotten in all the adventure. He gulped as he picked it up, a smirk lighting his face along with a blush, and with a shrug, he took off.

* * *

Months later, after an argument with Amy about years and milestones, he agreed to a special surprise birthday dinner for River, given by Amy and Rory. Amy fussed at him to be on time, while she would contact River under pretence. He still maintained she couldn't be fooled, but decided to humour the... _not_ terrifying ginger mother anyway. On the prescribed day, when he exited his TARDIS, walking as proudly as the lack of bowtie allowed, he smiled smugly at the completely stunned Ponds.

"Aha!" he yelled, clapping excitedly. "You doubted I could be on time, didn't you Pond? Well, if my calculations are correct, and they _are,_ _I_ am early." He rocked back on his heels, stopping quickly when he felt an unfamiliar breeze.

Rory and Amy couldn't help looking him up and down over and over... and over again, both of them trying desperately to speak, but no words actually exiting their lips.

Finally, Rory summoned up all the courage of a soldier who'd guarded his family for two millennia and asked, "Doctor-" he couldn't quite get the words out with his eyes open, so he shook his head and closed them before continuing his thought... "_why_ are you wearing that?"

"Where did you _get_ it?!" Amy asked in horror.

"Oh, this?" the Doctor asked, indicating his cool (in more ways than one, he realised) new outfit. "River. She said she had something special for me for our anniversary, and this was it." Both Ponds turned a special shade of red, then green, following this pronouncement. "But then there was a lion and a flying horse and growing lampposts and the poor girl never even got the chance to see me wear it. So, I decided to show her how it fit," he explained with a smile, which quickly turned to a grimace as he yelped, reaching down to tug on the delicate lace at the bottom. "Though, I'm a bit disappointed in her. She's usually better at sizes." He stuck out his tongue, smoothing out the revealing satin robe as best he could, eventually nearly chasing his hands in circles and tripping over his own feet, revealing _far_ more than either Pond ever wanted to see of the misguided Time Lord.

"River..." Amy said in a daze, pushing Rory forward to help the Doctor back to his feet. "'m gonna go call River."

"Tell her it's an emergency," Rory added, wincing as he tried, and failed, to help the Doctor fix his "special" outfit. "Now!"

By the time River came a few moments later, guns drawn (just in case) and party dress on, the Doctor, despite Rory's best attempts, had fidgeted his way out of the robe and now sat cross-legged ("_so_ much leg!" Amy shuddered at the sight) and smiling in a lacy, scanty babydoll.

River stopped short, snorted loudly, and quirked an eyebrow.

"And what sort of time do you call this?" she asked, her face oscillating between simple eye-rolling amusement and pure evil glee. "I expected you to try to surprise me with a birthday party of some sort. Not... a birthday surprise."

"Told you," the Doctor stuck his tongue out smugly at Amy before turning to his wife, "Happy Birthday!" he exclaimed, beginning to raise his hands in celebration before Rory firmly grabbed a hold of them, keeping them, and consequently the skimpy nightdress, down. He tried to get the robe back on, but the Doctor slapped his hands away impatiently as he rose to show off for River. "What do you think?" he asked, twirling proudly to give her the full effect of his very meagre outfit.

She snorted again, shoulders shaking as she began giggling uncontrollably.

"Oh, Sweetie," she sighed, shaking her head and smiling at him fondly. "My hopeless genius. That outfit wasn't to wear."

"But," he sputtered in confusion, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, "you said it was for me- something special for us to both enjoy."

Rory moaned awkwardly, while Amy buried her face in her hands and tried figuring out whether she wanted to laugh or to cry.

River looked toward them, smirking triumphantly.

"Thank you both for the birthday surprise, Mummy and Father. Definitely one of the best," she said with a wink, grabbing the Doctor's hands and leading him to the TARDIS, the Ponds half-heartedly waving them away with burning, red faces. "I promise I'll have him back in time for cake!" she called back, as Amy and Rory both turned and simultaneously reached for the nearest bottle of wine.

"Wait, River, I don't understand- we were celebrating your birthday!"

"Still are, dear," she commented with a smirk, "but I need to unwrap you first."

"River!" scolded the scandalised Time Lord, arms hurriedly crossing over himself in an ineffective display of modesty, guarding his precious special outfit from out of his wife's reach.

"Oh, Sweetie. Trust me. We'll both enjoy those clothes _much_ more if _I'm_ the one wearing them."

"But River-" the Doctor began, until he gazed down at the revealing babydoll and robe, all lace and satin and... which would look absolutely perfect on his gorgeous River Song. And suddenly he found himself racing in front of his giggling wife, bopping her on the nose before pulling _her_ along behind _him_, eager for once, to dress down.

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**A/N- Why yes, I have been rereading my Chronicles of Narnia :) ... Please Review.  
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